I’ve been debating this choice off and on for months now, but last week I made my final decision. I pulled Laina out of preschool. GASP! And here’s why:
-30% of the time she cries when she has to go.
-70% of the time she goes begrudgingly and in an annoyed fashion.
-It’s been five months now and she’s NEVER happy to go to school.
-I pay $140 a month to send my daughter to a school she doesn’t like.
-I don’t particularly care for her teacher who doesn’t particularly seem to like children.
-Laina doesn’t seem to particularly care for her teacher.
-Communication is poor. I never know what they’re doing and she never comes home with anything other than letter worksheets. Gag me.
And
-Children are always in time out when I drop off and/or pick up.
I tweeted a fight with Laina last week that ended with me threatening to spank her if she didn’t get her act together and get in the car. We were already late. I had asked her a MULTIPLE of times to put her shoes on and she whined and carried on forEVER. My shining mommy moment came when I gave her two choices.
“You can either get your shoes on right NOW and get in the car or go to your room for the rest of the morning!!”
When she chose to go to her room for the rest of the morning I added in an extra, “FINE! Get in there and I’ll be up to give you your five spankings in a minute!!”
More crying ensued. She put her shoes on and for the duration of the car ride to preschool she sat curled in the fetal position with her forehead pressed against the window…whimpering.
I felt horrible and that’s when I made the decision. This isn’t worth it. I don’t want to fight her. I don’t want to threaten her. I don’t want to break her pretty little spirit. And I don’t want to feel like an a**hole of a mom.
So I pulled her out. Of course I’m afraid she’ll think she can always have her way if she complains loud and long enough. I’m afraid she’s not going to be ready for kindergarten, or that she’ll pull this same crap when we get to that point. I’m afraid she’ll be the only kid in the class crying to go home. We do circle time here for the daycare kids and I am dedicated to giving Laina her own private, more advanced preschool lesson…but I’m afraid she’ll be the only Kindergartner who can’t find Australia on a world map. …
I guess I won’t know until she gets into Kindergarten.
What would you have done?
Summer says
Try another preschool?
I think you did the right thing my love….you know I got your back.
Anyway….wasn’t she the one who was going to drop out anyway and deal drugs? Or was that Kainoa?
3 Men & a Lady says
At her age some kids just aren’t ready to start school. It’s maturity, not intelligence. I worked in pre-k a couple of years ago and there were a few kids that I thought “why not just let them sit this year out and try again next year?”. By next year she may be in love with the idea of school, independence and maybe you can get a different teacher. I think you did the right thing. But what did you tell her? I hope you came up with something good so that she doesn’t think it’s b/c she didn’t enjoy it or else you may be in for it, lol.
Mama Kat says
I don’t think she knows why she’s not going….yikes, I’m not sure WHAT kind of reason to give her.
Erin says
Ohhh good move! I would have taken her out as well. Mainly because if you don’t like the teacher and she doesn’t like the teacher, it’s just not going to work out. Horrible way to break up…but it must be done!
I’m sure she will be happy to learn where everything is or isn’t on a map with you teaching her at home.
IDEA: Maybe you could just hold Maile back a year and they could be in the same class? I mean with them being so close and all….it might help…Just sayin…. lol
Mama Kat says
Hahaha…oh Maile would just LOOOVE that! (kidding!)
Tricia @Night Owl Mama says
I think you most definitely made the right decision. It’s obvious that she’s not learning any thing by being there. YOu can teach her all she needs to learn at home until kindergarten. PReschool isn’t mandatory. Why put yourself through all the unnecessary screaming and yelling and her through the crying. So not worth it as you exclaimed.
My son just turned 4 and I tell you he has learned so much just by watching things like Word world, playing vsmile motion and other vtech games. Flash cards. I’m so impressed. I really need to get a pencil in his had and start teaching him letters and numbers on a paper and that will come soon.
Can’t wait to hear a update on how things go with her. THE PRICE Of that preschool is insane I thought ours was bad at $800 for the school yr.
Mama Kat says
Oh I am a HUGE fan of flash cards! They’re so awesome and they helped me pass just about every college exam I took!
Alicia says
i think you did the right thing. that’s what i would have done!! at the end of the day you don’t want to hurt her self esteem by having her sad and ‘in trouble’ all the time…so i’m with you on the choice!! and forget australia…as long as she knows how to get to target and nordstroms, she is set!
dysfunctional mom says
I think preschool is unnecessary as long as you are willing and able to teach your children the basics yourself, and you are obviously more than capable of doing that. I didn’t send my kids to preschool, I taught them at home, and my kids are freaking geniuses. OK but seriously, they really are smart and do very well in school. And they are ages 9-16.
Alex says
I just did this with my 2 1/2 year old. She only went 2 days a week ($80 a week) but it was always such a drama. She loved it when she was there but the thought of her having to leave her sister and us made her so upset I thought why bother?
She will only be a little kid for a few years before she starts her own social circle. Why force it?
I’ve got 4 kids so it’s all a little hit and miss until you figure out what’s right for you…
Kerry Ellington says
I don’t blame you for wanting to take her out. Shoooot ur paying for it and she was miserable? Uh uh, just not worth it.
I had to home school my son for about 6 months before he had to go to kindergarten and I ended up buying some kindergarten workbooks on amazon.com in Math, English and a little science for him to at least start to grasp kindergarten concepts and he ended up being one of the top 3 students in a class of 25 students.
So I’d suggest you get her some books and prep her yourself. Its best to have her start out enjoying the learning process rather than hating the experience of going to school because it will affect her when she gets older.
Best of luck with it hun.
Cheers! :)
MrsW says
I would have done exactly the same as you and have been prepared to do so since my little one started at pre-school – but he loves the place – and I’m a bit disappointed as I’ve felt for a long time that schools are no place for anyone under the age of 8!
Luschka says
From the lofty position of never having had to deal with this yet, I would have taken her out too. Kids know things that we sometimes won’t take the time to stop and see. (I’m in NO WAY saying that there’s anything wrong going on in that school, but) When I was in school, there was a particular male teacher who just loved spending time with and doing bonding things with the little boys. Especially those from divorced homes. I had NEVER seen anything that I could base my feelings on, but I said to my mom, in fact I hounded her and made her promise eventually that she would never ever let my brother go on camps and field trips with this particular teacher. Of course she thought I was just being silly, but she’d promised, so she stuck to it. And thank God she did, because about 4 years later that teacher was imprisoned for child abuse. There and then I made up my mind that I would ALWAYS listen to that ‘child’s voice’. Like you say, if the teacher acts like she doesn’t like children, your child will know that – and who likes being around someone they know doesn’t like them?
I would say that if some days she loved it and some days she hated it, she was just trying to ‘get her way’ but consistently hating it to me highlights a problem. Perhaps try a different school, and even better, allow her to ‘help’ in choosing one?
Mama Kat says
Oh my goodness!! You had a REALLY strong premonition for just being a child at the time. Oprah talks a lot about that too…following your instinct. I’m SO glad you’re mom listened to you. What a creep!!
Via says
I can’t say what I would have done–I’ve never had that issue! But maybe it’s just that preschool? Maybe try looking into some kind of day camp for the summer that would at least get Laina used to being with other kids and other authority figures…she might just hate her teacher! But honestly…5 months? If she’s not okay with it by then, she probably wouldn’t have liked it ever!
Givinya de Elba says
The exact same thing, Mama Kat. I would have done the exact same thing. Poor little Laina, I hope she will be happier now and then feel more ready for Kindergarten after a few months with you.
Givinya de Elba says
DARN! That totally came out wrong! I meant after a few months being taught at home and getting over pre-school she may be happier about the idea of kindergarten!
I most certainly did not mean that -heck- after a few months with you, she’d be raring to get the heck outta your place!
Darn. This is what happens when I comment on blogs late at night. I end up saying stuff which comes out so wrong I’m at risk of losing my friends.
I am so sorry it sounded bad, Mama Kat.
Mama Kat says
Oh no worries! I got it the way you intended the first time. I know what you mean though…I feel so easily misunderstood sometimes when I write things too. :)
Coco says
Kids have a sense about these things. When my oldest was a baby I left her at a daycare and she would cry when I left and was crying when I got there. I took her out. I found a different one and the minute I took her in she acted as if I didn’t exist. She loved it there. She loved the ladies there. Go with your childs instinct on this one. And you did. Bravo.
Maybe try a part time day care of Mother’s Day Out and see if she handles it better. I too would be worried that this will color the way she feels about school in general.
Karen & Gerard Zemek says
I’m sure I would have done the same thing, only sooner! I think you did the right thing pulling her out and I wouldn’t worry about kindergarten either. She’ll be older then and probably more ready. If that preschool teacher is a crab, it’s bad to start off with that. You could check out other preschools and ask to observe some classes to check out the teachers first. If they don’t let you do that, then forget it. Preschool is much to soon to hate school–she has a long way to yet. Get some learning games and play at home with her. She’ll be fine and much happier!
Los says
It’s funny – when I was growing up (before electricity, apparently), nobody went to preschool … and we did just fine … didnt’ we?
Mama Kat says
Yeah but I think kids are expected to know SO much more these days. When we started Kindergarten it was like “okay let’s roll up our sleeves and teach these kids their SHAPES!” Nowadays it’s like “Your child DOES know how to spell her first and last name in d’nealian font?”
Angel says
I thinkyou did the right thing. Kids usually adjust fairly quickly and her lack of adapting says something in a major way..
Liz says
Wow! You have some very wise followers! Three of my four went to preschool, but I really lucked out! The schools were awesome, and the teachers were, too! I sent them merely for the socialization and fun. If they learned something (which they all did) that was the icing on the cake. I think we, as parents, stress out too much about “keeping up with the Einsteins.”
I think you did the right thing, but I woudn’t write off the early childhood experience altogether. If you can find another school, try it out. At least try to find something where your daughter mixes with other kids, and learns how to work out situations with them.
Great post!
Sunday Stilwell says
I would have done the same thing. In fact, I did.
Whenever I would go to pick up my kids from daycare they would both be sitting in a carseat placed on the floor and tied to the frame of the couch. Apparently having the boys up and moving around with the babies was too much for the daycare provider.
EPIC fail of a solution in my book. So, I left my job and returned to being a stay at home mom.
It was most definitely the best decision I could have made.
So did you!
Brandi says
That is a tough one. It sounds like you gave it long enough to make the right decision. Be confident in your decision. I can totally relate to not wanting to break our little ones spirits. :)
Foursons says
I have pulled Nolan out of several preschools. I’m not going to pay money for a school that is not what he needs. I wouldn’t worry about it. She’ll be fine and when you find the right school or she goes to Kinder you can put all of this behind you.
Her crying and resistence to go was her way of telling you something that she didn’t know how to verbalize. You did the right thing.
Melissa Austin says
Kat,
My son, who is now 7, did not go to preschool. Well he did, but for a very short time. We had problem after problem with his teacher and decided that it was not worth it.
Once he entered Kindergarten, he was fine. The teachers worked with him. We did too at home.
He is now in 2nd grade and doing very well :-)
You did the right thing by pulling her out….
June Freaking Cleaver says
The primary goal of preschool is for socialization. You already have lots of kids at home for her to socialize with. As long as you work on teaching her letters, numbers and colors at home, she’ll be fine in Kindergarten.
Preschool came into fashion in the late 70s; before then, kids stayed home. Heck, I didn’t even go to Kindergarten (it wasn’t required).
It seems to me that all the grownups I interact with seem to have gotten along just fine whether they went to preschool or not.
Mama Kat says
Sometimes I feel like us parents just go over the top with education at these young ages. Why do they need to know SO much SO soon…like they’re not going to pick this stuff up eventually anyways?
Shanna says
Absolutely I would have done the same thing. It sounds like she’s just not ready. I agree with the other comments that say Preschool is all about socialization and you have so many kids at your house, she’s getting all that from home. :)
Michelle says
Don’t stress about it! None of my 3 went to preschool. The looks other people give you when you tell them that is nuts. There is so much you can do at home. My kids were actually ahead when they went to school and teachers would ask “where did they go to preschool?” HA!
If she hated it that much obviously you made the right choice!
Tina says
I’d look for another preschool. I also do family home child care and my oldest is in his second year of preschool. We both needed it. He needs it to get used to the classroom setting, get away from mom for a bit and learn to participate with the group. Yes, I do circle time and preschool activities here…yes, he is a smart whipper snapper and has known his abc, colors, opposite, etc since he was 2…but he needs the socialization, the classroom structure and the fun it gives him 2 1/2 hours a day 3 days a week. My youngest will start in the fall. I LOVE having him excited to see me at pickup time. I rarely get that from my boys because I NEVER LEAVE THEM. Good and Bad. Good luck searching out another preschool to try! Socializatino at home with mom and all their own stuff is NOT the same as socialization they get at preschool. At home they “rule the roost” or feel they can..unstead of learning to become “just one of the group”. It does step them outside of their comfort zone, but they need that skill for life.
Mama Kat says
I could have written that comment verbatim! That’s EXACTLY why I send my kids to preschool to begin with!
WebSavvyMom says
–>You did the right thing. Keep her home til you find another pre-school. If you don’t, kindergarden is a fresh start for both of you.
mama-face says
Here’s where my years of experience as a mother come in handy. Preschool should be FUN. Your child needs you more than a place she feels uncomfortable. The more security you pump into your child the better. There is plenty of time once they hit ‘real’ school to make them face reality. Love on her (as I know you do) and kick the guilt to the curb.
Evonne says
I would have pulled her out, too. I know it sometimes take kids some time to adjust to being in school, but not that long. You could maybe try another preschool. If you decide to do preschool at home with her, there’s a ton of resources online. A lot are free, too.
my 5 monkeys says
I have done the same thing with 1 of my kids. He wasn’t ready and was crying ,so we took a break from it and I was able to put them him back into preschool when he almost 4 and we talked it up..But then we had other issues( speech). You did what you could handle and I been down that road too.
Mama Kat says
The little boy she’s been going to school with has speech issues too. His mom is going to hold him back a year so he’ll have to to “grow out of it”, but I don’t think she’s doing anything to work on it with him. He has pretty significant problems in my opinion, we should really be getting on the ball to help him with that.
my 5 monkeys says
I had to go through the school district for all my kids speech needs. That was the only way to help the speech issues and the wonderful teachers that helped my children bloom , just for speech. To me thats their preschool.
Jenn says
That is a really tough decision! I kind of agree that at this point it is not worth it. Plus, you do not want her to have negative associations with school that will carry on through her scholastic career. Better for her to know you care enough about her feelings and avoid a screaming match for what could last years. Since you had the option I think it was a good decision to pull her out. Maybe before kindergarten you can visit for a day and she can see all the really cool things they do there, which may ease the transition.
Kelly says
We homeschool.
Shell says
That school does not sound like the right place for her.
When we moved this past fall, I was determined to find a preschool that was right for my boys. We visited several and I refused to commit to sending my boys to a school unless they allowed my boys to go for a day or two so that I could see how they would really do there and what the school was really like. I’m really glad I did it that way; the school I would have sent them to based on a visit and a talk to the director was HORRID when my boys tried it out. We all love their school now, though.
That’s my long way of asking: is there another school you could try?
Mama Kat says
There is…I’m just not sure if we want to chance it again this far into the year…still thinking about that.
The Glamorous Life Association says
It’s not you.
It’s not her.
Its the SCHOOL.
Find another one.
:)
Mama Kat says
The school I WANT her to go to is the school that Maile went to…but it’s $70 more AND it would be a middle of the year transition. I did call them and they’d create a 2 day program just for her where I can pay less, but I’m thinking she’ll just stay at the school of Kat. There’s no telling how she’ll react to another school and I don’t want to go through this again.
Connie says
That’s an ineleligtnt answer to a difficult question xxx
Jennifer says
Same exact thing. It doesn’t mean she wasn’t ready for pre-k. It means she wasn’t ready for that pre-k. It just wasn’t the right fit. Plus some kids just aren’t ready. Maybe she needs that extra year. And I’m sure she is learning tons of stuff from you at home. And you can totally pring letter worksheets yourself.
Pammie says
I pulled my kids out of school because of the teachers. Unfortunately, my children were already in elementary school and my best option was homeschooling. To drive to another school district would require another job to pay for gas. When its all said and done, I prefer homeschooling now. I am closer to my kids more than ever. They talk to me and do things with me, when before they were so tired all the time and stressed out from school. Getting up early and homework made my kids miserable. Me too.
I don’t think you should feel guilty. I’ve noticed that when your inside voice tells you to do something (as a mother), it’s important to listen to it. I think it’s our mommy instinct to protect our kids and you should never feel bad for that.
Carrie says
OK…I will start with saying I am not a teacher and don’t have children. So, people can roll their eyes and say I have no business even commenting, but its more of a question/observation than anything else.
Three of my friends are teachers and all have kids that are set to start kindergarten in the fall. The recent debate is if the kids are ready or should they wait a year to start. I always though kindergarten was suppose to set you up for the school. It was the way to ease into the school setting/arena. I am 32, so it wasn’t that long ago, but I remember preschool as a place to learn the alphabet, how to tie your shoes, and to stand in line when asked etc. It was a daycare with a few lessons here and there. We played duck duck goose and farmer in the dell. I guess I never knew kindergarten had become so advanced and kids need to be ready for it.
The point to all of this is…I think she will do fine without preschool. It isn’t for every kid and as a parent/teacher/daycare provided I am pretty sure you would know if she really needed it to be ready for what was next.
And not to make you worried or feel bad, but through most of elementary school, it took a few days and sometimes a couple weeks for me to go to school without a breakdown after summer break, christmas break, etc.
I don’t know Laina, but I was pretty much attached to my moms hip, and I had a hard time adjusting to leaving her (even though she worked and wasn’t home during the day anyhow). Maybe she is just nervous, or misses you or Pat.
Good luck!
Mama Kat says
I think the expectations of Kindergartners is a bit higher now than it was when we were little. Maile goes all day long and can already read over 20 “site words”…I’m amazed at how fast they go through information there and at how she just seems to be soaking it all up. So I definitely feel some pressure to have Laina ready, if not already started on some of that material…so silly.
junebug says
I think it was the best decision. I have worked in a kindergarten classroom. I have seen children who came in from pre-school and some who never went to school and honestly there was not much difference. The main difference is the parents and their attitude towards education. I actually had a five year old who came in unable to hold a pencil! That tells me lots about what was available at home. Two of my best students did not go to pre-school. I’m not bagging on pre-school. A good one is priceless. I’m just saying parents shouldn’t feel guilty about not using it because what they do at home is just as important. Plus, it would be awful if a bad teacher now ruined her joy for learning.
Val says
Poor mom and kid!!! I think you should find a preschool that clicks with both of you! At this age at least, it’s ok to pull them out of school. It’ll be a bit harder later on with a truant officer…
Good luck! I know with my son, I should have read the signs and kept him out of school one more year.. Good reading of your girls signs!!
Christi says
I think you did the right thing! 100%. Is there another preschool you might could try in a couple of months? Either that or I agree with your comment on having “preschool” for her at home! I think that one of the most important reasons for them to be in preschool is to interact with other children but with you having daycare kids at home that takes care of that. Good luck girl! Will be praying for you guys!
Shelley says
I’ve never commented before but I think you made the right decision. When my son was 3 we planned to put him in preschool because I had just transitioned to staying at home and had just given birth. I thought it would be good for him but it was also a bit selfish too so I could have a little time where I was only dealing with one child. He cried every single morning. I know he had fun while he was there but it was torture getting him ready every morning and dealing with the tears and pleading. We stopped after a few weeks. Now that he’s 4 he is totally ready. The first few days he cried but he settled in very quickly and has had a great year so far. I think the teacher has a big impact on their experience. Hopefully she’ll get a good kindergarten teacher and it will go much better!
Mama Kat says
You’re right, it IS kind of nice to have that down time away from Laina! Hahaha…it’s the only time I get to just enjoy Kainoa by myself. Ideally I wish Laina could have just bucked up and enjoyed herself. They have an awesome playground and lots of new little friends she could have made.
e says
You made the right decision for sure. I mean, if it was a fit for her, she would have enjoyed going… and it wasn’t a fit. Kind of like a job. If it’s not working out, no harm done.
Alicia says
I didn’t go to pre-school and I did just fine. I have no intentions of putting my boys in preschool since I don’t work out of the home and have no legit (in my mind) reason to. I think my older one would like it, but if he didn’t and reacted the way Laina was, I would have done the same thing. I’m sure you will have a chance to talk with her about why YOU made the decision and clarify so that she understands it wasn’t only her behavior that influenced the decision. Way to be a mom, and not just force your kid into “the system”, lol. :D
kristi crazy says
I think you do what is best for your little one! Here’s hoping she loves kindergarten and your worries are for nothing. It is tough! I have a son with autism who supposedly does great at school but he cries to not go many days.
Jessica says
Kat, I truly think you’re doing the right thing. I mean, there’s a fine difference between a child crying merely to get their way and a child crying because they’re so miserable at said place. Clearly, things aren’t right there and I don’t think that you’re spoiling any part of her. I hope that Kindergarten is a much easier transition though… :)
Jaci says
You made the right choice, hon. We want our kids to love LEARNING…and fighting over preschool is going to set the tone that school is punishment. Another year to play (and learn *through* play) at home and she’ll be excited to go.
I pulled Elizabeth out for similar reasons. She was not yet 3, and shoved in an afternoon class with mostly 3 1/2 and 4 year olds. At first she was totally excited to go…but after 2 classes she was crying and begging to stay home. The teachers expected her to trace letters as homework *insert eyeroll at thought of not yet 3 year old grasping that concept* and the only communication I got were Scholastic book ads and flyers for Kindermusic. I stopped by early to pick her up one day and caught the teacher completely freaking out on Elizabeth to get in line and stay in line–and I could hear it in her voice that Elizabeth was her “problem kid” and she was sick of her.
Oh, hell no! I pulled her out that day.
Preschool lessons can be taught at home. Imagine how many alphabet worksheets you can buy for $140 a month! :)
Mama Kat says
Forget about buying them…there are about a bajillion you can print at home for FREE. Her teacher kindly offered to make copies of the rest of the alphabet for Laina to do at home. *insert another eye roll*.
I got goosebumps thinking about someone being that stern with any of my “not even three” year olds. They’re practically still babies!
Pamela @ 2 much testosterone says
I’m always worried that when I give in to my kids for one reason or other, eventually they will walk all over me. Clearly she wasn’t happy and either were you. You made the right choice Mama Kat! Kindergarten is a whole different ball game…. She’s going to love it and then you’ll ponder how she got so old so fast.
Joy says
Ok I am sure you are more than equipped to show her where Australia is on a map, you don’t need a $140 daycare/preschool to do that. You are a smart & great mom.
I did not send my son to preschool and he has done EXTREMELY well in school his K teacher said there was no way of knowing he had never been. I will not be sending Abby to preschool either I think I can teach her how to color and her alphabet at home.
and PS she is only 5 does she really need to know where Australia is on a map?? I think WAY to much pressure is put on little bitty ones these days and school is no where as fun as it use to be therefor making alot of kids not like it anymore. You have made the right decision for your daughter seeing you know her best do NOT let anyone make you think any different. I have had to deflect many of those Oh you aren’t putting your kid in preschool questions I just blow them off and tell them my kids are just fine
Jenn says
I would have pulled her out too. If she was never, ever happy to go there then something is wrong with the place. I pulled my son out of several daycare situations when he was younger. Just because it is a preschool does not mean it is a good one or the right one for your kiddo.
Emmy says
I think she will do just fine. It sounds like that preschool was no good for either of you.
I ended up pulling my son out of kindergarten after a week to wait for next year. In California the deadlines are Dec 2nd, so he made them but any other state he would have been too young for kindergarten. Academically he is great, but emotionally… I was worried though as I didn’t want him to think if he cried/misbehaved his way out that he could get out of things. But looking back now, it is the best decision I ever made. He loves his preschool and that extra year will help him so much in school.
Mama Kat says
Oh wow! I had no idea CA’s deadlines were so early in the year! There’s no way I would send any of my kids that early!
amber says
I would have pulled her out too. Trust your instincts! They’re only little for such a short time… I’m sure she’ll do just fine when she hits kindergarten.
Becca - Our Crazy Boys says
I would have done the exact same thing. Time out? Seriously?
I am a little jealous of what you were paying, though… My little guy goes 2 days/week and we pay $240 a month. Ouch.
She’ll be just fine. Preschool isn’t necessary, IMHO.
:-)
Mama Kat says
240 a month! We pay that much for Maile to go to full day Kindergarten five days a week. He must be at a REALLY great school!
Mira says
I am 100 % certain you did the right thing. I second the trust your mommy instincts comment. Your kid should have found something pleasurable about preschool in all that time. Sounds like the wrong place for your and probably many other kids. Unfortunately it will color a lot of them against school which is not what you need. Hopefully you have enough time to explain to her that it’s a totally different thing. Diff building, diff activities, and so on. Best of luck.
Amy says
When my youngest daughter was 3 she could not wait to start school, so rather than pay daycare, we sent her to school. She really didn’t like it and Pre-K was a bore to her also. The reason being, she wanted structure and more challenge, which she just was not getting there. She had to stay, regardless if she liked it or not, I had to work. I am happy to say she is a happy 4th grader that is on honor roll. In your case, I think you did the right thing, she will probably enjoy it more when there is more to learn and do.
Heatherlyn says
I think you absolutely did the right thing. A preschool where the kids are in time out and they don’t do art projects sounds horrible!!!!!! She’ll probably think kindergarten is great; at least they color in kindergarten!
Mama Kat says
Yeah it’s the strangest thing…at Maile’s preschool last year they came home daily with crafts and projects. If I wanted my kids to practice alphabet worksheets I could do that myself…just feels like somethings lacking here.
Christie says
Good for you! Trust me, a former child care teacher for six years, any center who paints their walls a SCREAMING BRIGHTER-THAN-THE-SUN yellow, Runnnnnn RUUnnnnnn RUUUUNNNNN! Would you want to be in a nausiating, migrane inducing environment. No wonder she hated it!
And don’t worry about Kindergarten. In all honesty, the only thing you need to learn in Kindergarten is how to get on and off a bus and how to play nice with others!
Mama Kat says
Hahaha…and did you see that CARPET!?! So ugly…
Lynsey says
You did what any mother concerned about her child would do. If the preschool was a fun, engaging place with a great teacher I’m sure she would have loved it. And don’t worry about Kindergarten, really! She will be fine! The extra year or so to mature will be beneficial, you’ll see.
Chin up!
Lauren says
I pulled my daughter out of preschool a few months ago for similar reasons. I think you did the right thing.
Jeannie says
I wish I had been more like you and pulled Bella from preschool. It was really a crummy school and we got stuck with it because we moved after school started. It was the only one open.
I think preschool is more about getting the kids on a school schedule and mindset than really learning anything. Read to your cutie, practice her name, letters, etc and she will be just fine. And neither one of you is a failure!!!!
Hugs!!!
RayeLee says
Aww, poor thing! I would’ve taken her out too. There’s no reason to pay that much money for that much stress. I was “kicked out” of preschool early on, too because there wasn’t enough room, and I turned out fine! When it came time for Kindergarten I was one of the few who wasn’t crying on the first day. :)
Justine says
At first, I think I would have said, BIG MISTAKE. But after reading all of the reasons you stated, I think it was a GOOD MOVE instead. All of it may have nothing at all to do with Laina not wanting to be in school, but rather not wanting to be in THAT school. Mikayla (now 12-1/2) didn’t go to preschool and when she got to kindergarten she excelled in every way. Madison did go to preschool and when she got to kindergarten she excelled in every way. So, is preschool necessary? Probably not. You’ve gotta go with your mommy gut on these things.
Justine :o )
Mama Kat says
I just know that Laina really could have benefited from the structure a preschool can offer her right now. It’s good for her to get out of MY presence for a little and take instruction from other adults. But it is what it is.
Question: Is my page still super slow? My theory is that on the days when I post all those bachelor pictures it slows waaay down, but is normal every other time. Right??? RIGHT!?!?!
workinprogress says
I would have found a different preschool. The wall color, carpet selection and need to use time outs, would have been a huge warning to me. Hope it turns out well. Just found your blog…very nice.
Mama Kat says
You’re the second person to mention the yellow walls and hideous carpets as red flags…really? I never would have thought of that!
workinprogress says
I am not an expert in education but from friends who are, and reading, kids learn best with a neutral, soothing pallet in a classroom. google ‘best environment for learning color’ and a number of articles come up. To me it just didn’t reflect a place with professional educational research/education in their choices…more a pizza place to entertain.
workinprogress says
and while I did go to preschool…still can’t spell. ‘palette’ is what I meant. :)
Lolli says
My friend, I would have done the same thing, especially for a school that you are paying for. It still would have been a very hard decision. I have always been worried about “ruining” school for my kids t a young age. They should be happy to go in those early grades, not forced.
ashley says
If she wasn’t liking it after 5 months than you prob made the right choice. ana (my 5 yr old) cries about going to school but when i pick her up she seems to always be having a great time. It sounds like a complete different situation for you.
melissa aka equidae says
you did the right decision as far as i am concerned,- preschool is an option which sometimes i find is more forthe mothers here in Malta so they can get rid of them for a few hours….i prefer to spend time with him and dont care if he doesnt go to preschool at all!
The Psycho Mama says
I’d have done the same thing. She hates it there, her teacher doesn’t like kids–honestly, I am terrified to send my Baboo to preschool because I have worked in some of those places and some of the teachers are downright MEAN. Trust your gut.
Mama Kat says
That’s why I opened my own daycare! Because I’ve worked in so many centers and while some were okay…others SEEMED okay, but on the inside the teachers were pretty rude and there was tons of female drama going on between them. Not good.
Gigi says
Sounds to me like you did the right thing. If you decide to try another school – maybe take her with you to meet the teacher, etc. and get her take on how she feels about that school/teacher.
Amanda @ Serenity Now says
I think you did the right thing to trust your instincts. It’s one thing if the teacher is wonderful, engaged, and the kids all seem to be doing well…but it doesn’t sound like it. If that was the case, then maybe you could have worked with the teacher and Laina with some sort of program/plan to get her to be more excited. And to not be in communication with you for $140 a month is not a good thing.
If you are worried about her starting kindergarten, maybe she could join a little gym class for the extra structure/activity time, or have some special one on one teaching time on the weekends???
I say this, but my oldest is SO stubborn. She *knows* everything, and trying to teach her is tough. I might resort to bribing this summer so she doesn’t forget everything she’s learned at preschool this year.
Good luck!! :)
Mama Kat says
That’s actually not a bad idea. Laina is so squirely and busy, I’m hoping she can settle down and actually learn something…hopefully by the time Kindergarten comes she’ll grow up a little and understand when it’s okay to be a busy mover and when she should be able to sit still and listen. We’ll see…
momlissa says
I think you did the right thing, based on the reasons you stated. My daughter did cry for a good 6 months at preschool dropoff and I considered pulling her, but she eventually did stop and always seem to enjoy it when she was there, now loves it 2 years later. I know it’s never easy to know what the “right” thing to do is, but it sounds like you did what was best for your little girl.
Mama Kat says
Yeah some days really weren’t so bad…she wore me down though. I waffle back and forth on whether or not this is the way we had to go…but ultimately I think I made the best decision for both of us. I hope next year she’s more like how you describe your daughter and she’ll just get used to it.
Salt says
It sounds like there are enough issues with that school that you shouldn’t feel bad for pulling her out of there. Something doesn’t sound like it was right with the situation and I would have done the same thing.
Brutally Honest says
I think you made the right decision. One of the main reasons I send my kids to preschool is so they’ll develop a love for school. I think it would be detrimental to force her to go a risk her hating school. While I think preschool can be a fabulous resource, anything kids get from preschool they can also get from home.
Mama Kat says
I just regret that we didn’t sign her up at the school Maile went to last year. We loved that teacher and they had an awesome program. Laina thought she was going there and WAS excited about it at the beginning of the year. But the mother Laina’s friend in my daycare wanted to look in to going to a less expensive preschool closer to my home, which is ultimately why we made that decision. Bummer.
Melissa says
I’m so with you on this one!! I agree 100% that you should have taken her out. My daugher does the EXACT same thing!! I’m miserable dropping her off…her teacher is an old lady who barely says hi when she shows up…the other teachers are so happy to see the kids and give them hugs and even sit with my kids on their laps for a bit so I can make it out without tears in my eyes! (I’m always late dropping them off so ALL the classes and teachers are outside when we show up)
Unfortunately….I’m a divorced mom so I HAVE to work full time to keep food on the table….She loved her home daycare that she went to before, but she was not learning anything…..I was afraid I would have the one that didn’t know anything when she got to kindergarten! So nice to know I’m not alone in the way I feel about preschool….Chasey starts kindergarten in August…I’m just hoping and praying that she loves it!
Mama Kat says
Oh my heart breaks for you! That has to be SO hard!! Do they say that once you leave she perks back up and has a great time? That’s what it’s like here when kids go through attachment phases. They stop crying within minutes of their parents leaving and are perfectly fine the rest of the day. If they only knew how it breaks our hearts to pull ourselves away from them when they do that!!
Trippin' Mama says
You know, sometimes we forget that our children are people just like us. They have likes and dislikes and opinions. HOO BOY do they have opinions, right?
And while none of us moms want to teach that crying and whining and pitching major fits will get you your way, sometimes we have to stop and listen to what our kids are saying in the only way they really know how.
I don’t like this. I don’t want to do this. I want off this merry-go-round.
So kudos on removing her from a situation that was making both of you unhappy. If you really think preschool is critical to her development, try a different place (if you can get in, I know). Otherwise, give yourself a break and rest assured that she will thrive in your care and even if she can’t find Australia on the map, she’ll be in good company — with 3/4 of the U.S. population.
Christy
Mama Kat says
I certainly hope more people could find Australia…but did you know that I had NO idea where Alaska was on a map until I got to COLLEGE!?! Mmmhmmm….see my concerns for Laina are legitimate…it runs in the family.
You’re right though, I think so often kids are not being heard. I remember feeling really frustrated with that when I was little. It would help if half the stuff they complained about wasn’t so silly though. We have to decide WHICH of their complaints are rational. :)
Kim says
Confession time…I am a preschool drop-out. Although, I am sure it is highly debatable (just ask my husband) I think I am perfectly normal. But, I must warn you, I am confident that I did not know where Australia was when I started Kindergarten. :) I agree with many – you know your daughter better than anyone else and trusting your instinct is the smartest thing to do. Good Luck – enjoy the “extra” time you have with her!
kisatrtle says
picking your battles is a tough choice for any mommy, however, based on what you have said I think you will be fine. If it is any consolation to you I couldn’t find Madagascar on the world map just yesterday and I’m long since out of kindergarten…lol
Stephanie says
Oh, she’ll be fine. You’re a great mom! And it certainly doesn’t seem like it was a good fit anyway. I’d yank my kid in that situation too. No worries!! :)
SMJ says
B.r.e.a.t.h.e. Mama Kat! You TOTALLY did the right thing. Rest assured. It’s not an epic fail, it’s a good call that shows your instincts are well lubed.
The only one of my children who ever went to preschool is the very one that hates school with a passion (3rd grade) now. He NEVER spoke in all of preschool, they even had a psychologost come evaluate him in the class!! LOL Yep, thats my kid for ya. Baffles the M.D.’s. My other two (a graduate & a sophmore) never went to preschool and they rocked. (Still do!)
She will spend plenty of her life in school soon enough, hang on to her & let her little light shine right there at home with you while you can. :)
SMJ says
sorry for my poor spelling. maybe i need preschool.
Jennifer says
I would definitely pulled my child out too!!!! Something like this could be traumatizing and would def. make Kindergarten even worse. It is not a positive environment to be in obviously. I pulled mu son out, a bijillion years ago, from pre-school also. I worked with him at home and he had a great Kindergarten experience. He is now almost 17 and is amazing in school!!! You did the right thing!!!!!
Chrissy MacCEO says
I think you did the right thing. We had a similar situation with swim class, and myfear was that by pulling my son out, I’d be sending the wrong idea to him and that I would only be making more problems for myself down the road. Kids mature so fast, and she’ll outgrow this stage. You did the right thing!!
Kimmy says
I would have pulled her out also but then found a better preschool, one you AND her actually likes. This in turn would let her know that you mean business and she actually needs to attend school and also letting her know that you do care whether she is happy or not.
My daughter was the same way in terms of crying when we would have to leave but it was never a problem getting her there. I also found that having her in preschool helped her socially however, she doesn’t have any siblings where Laina does so I’m sure that isn’t an issue. Once Kindergarten started, she was ready to go with no problem and am proud to say, she’s doing fantastic in school!!
Bree says
You did the right thing. My daughter goes to a prek where I help out 2 times per month. And every time I go the kids are happy. My daughter LOVES to go.
And if your instinct is telling you that the teacher doesn’t love kids, then you’re probably right.
She doesn’t have to go to prek specially where she has social interaction at your house. And you do crafts and such.
She’s good. You’ll see. Don’t you worry about her.
Finding Normal says
I’d have pulled her, and I’m a teacher. My kid isn’t attending preschool. GASP! It just wasn’t feasible to get him back and forth, and I’m not big on religious preschool, which is pretty much the only option in my town. So…we’ll see how he does next year in K. I have a feeling both of our kids will be fine!
Mama Kat says
It help that our kids have parents willing to work with them…some parents probably don’t know where to start or what their kids are capable of learning at this age. I’m thankful to have so many resources available to me to help her prepare.
Jayde says
I think the fact that she disliked it that much meant that there was more to it than just ‘going to school’. You said yourself the teacher didn’t seem to like kids and your daughter didn’t like her teacher. That sounds like plenty of reason for her to be pulled. When Kindergarten rolls around, if the teacher is good, she shouldn’t have a problem. I’d also consider trying to explain to her (if you haven’t already) that it wasn’t her throwing fits that made you decide to stop taking her. That would have to be approached cautiously so you don’t confuse her with a lot of ‘adult’ explanations. Just tell her in a way she’ll understand.
Lizgizzy says
My son hates getting up and going to school too, BUT we have to drag him out of school when we pick him up in the evenings. He hates going drags his feet whines and crys, but once we get there he is happy, loves to be with his friends, and loves his teachers.
The fact that Laina has been so unhappy for so long, and you weren’t very happy with the teacher was a sign that shouldn’t have been ignored. Pulling her out was a really good thing to do.
That being said, we would have found another pre-school for a few reasons. We believe that being in pre-school really helps with the transition in to kindergarten. Our son is also very social, so being in a classroom full of other kids is perfect for him. He is also struggling a little with learning some of the basic academic stuff, he does better learning in class than he does with us. Lastly, my husband and I also work full time, so staying home isn’t an option.
Mama Kat says
I go back and forth regarding putting her in a new preschool. Another transition? The only other option is 60 dollars more a month and I can’t guarantee she won’t have the same reaction. What do I do if she just doesn’t want to go to ANY preschool and we’re right back where we started? Just keep making her go? It would be a great lesson though, that school is something she needs to get used to AND she’ll get the education.
angie says
I feel STRONGLY about a few things, and one of them is the importance of their first experiences in school. I’m talking ESPECIALLY preschool to second grade. That’s when they learn to love school if it’s going to happen in my opinion. SO, if my kids are not having a positive experience, it had better change…….and quickly. I become crazy mommy about this one. I would have pulled her out a LONG time ago. And seriously……..it’s not like she is going to be behind when she goes to kindergarten. Emma never went to even one day of preschool b/c she didn’t want to, and academically, she’s my star. Garrett went to “play school”…….don’t think it helped in any way didactically, but he did have fun.
Jen says
Honestly, and no offense to you other mothers out there, I’m not a fan of pre-school. I never went, and my sister never went. My mom taught us to read, write and what the 50 states were before we hit kindergarten. Neither of us suffered for lack of intelligence. What we did suffer was a lack of maturity. Kids need to be socialized. And, where you run a daycare with kids around every day, Laina is getting that. She’s also getting that from being a middle child. I’m sure she is going to excel in kindergarten, and hopefully she’ll enjoy it more than this pre-school she’s so resistant to.
I think you made the right choice, Kathy. You followed your gut, and that’s the best thing a mom can do.
Kandace says
OMG, it’s been years since I’ve even read a blog! I say get the hell out of that HELL HOLE! Both of my kids are in preK and not one kid cries or has a time out. Its all freakin rainbows and butterflies :O My littlest is in a Co-op which is weird and earthy but the kids dig it and my son is in an in-home preK program that is AMAZING…12 students total with 2 teachers and a music teacher (a mom, dad and daughter run it).
Anyway, find something that fits your daughter or just forget preK! I mean who cares? Have another cocktail and don’t sweat it! It’s just preK!
ohn says
Had you let her leave 3 days in, then I would have said maybe she was getting her way. You held out waaayyy longer than I could have.
Our “best” preschool in town really was a wonderful place. The teachers were phenomenal and the kids all went to kindergarten knowing more than the other kids. THAT BEING SAID, I still only sent them two mornings a week, and would not have sent them AT ALL if they hated it.
Preschool is 90% socialization and she can get that at home with the kiddos you take care of…PLUS it shows her responsibility.
Good decision mom. I am betting that by the time kindergarten rolls around, she will be ready, and if not, keep her home another year. I promise, it won’t kill her.
Lourie says
School is supposed to be a fun and exciting place when they are young. It really does seem like the teacher needs to find new work. Or at least work less wiggly students. I would have pulled her out too.
Krista says
Sounds like you did the right thing. Hopefully she’ll love kindergarten and you won’t have to ever worry about it again!
stephanie says
good for you! enough of these ridiculous societal pressures telling us preschool is a “must” and our kids “need” it.
Jenners says
I think you did the right thing. But is that the only preschool you have to choose from? If not, why not search out another school? I do think it is helpful for kids to have some “formal” school experience before kindergarten because kindergarten is NO JOKE nowadays. They pretty much expect you to be ready to go when you walk in the door … at least it is in our district. Good luck!
lagirl says
It sounds like that particular school was not a good “fit” for her.
Kids that age usually LOVE to go to school so the fact that she didn’t makes me think either the school was not right for her or she needs yet a bit more “home time” before leaving the nest. Does she go to Sunday School or Library Time or anything else that requires her to be away from you for an extended time? Learning to be away for a while will help her be “kindergarten ready” sans the Pre-School.
Pooba says
You always seem to entertain no matter the subject! I totally would have taken her out if I were you. The whole situation wasn’t doing anybody any good.
Besides, my dog is a training drop out and he turned out ok!
Michelle says
Ummm preschool isn’t necessary. When you get to kindergarten, knowing how to write your (First) name is nice but not necessary. Knowing the alphabet and 1-10 is helpful — knowing, not writing. Colors and shapes are good, too. But beyond that, it’s the socialization. And if she wasn’t ready and it wasn’t a good fit, that’s the way it is. You’re fine. She’s fine. And if she doesn’t like kindergarten? Well, that’s where it’s tough patooties :)
greedygrace says
Wow, your readers came out in full force today!
I think you made the right decision. My daughter has the same reaction to her preschool, and I get the same bad vibes from her teacher. I keep her in because I need full time care for her and I like what she’s learning, but I’d love it if we could stay home together!
Christina says
So, I am a 1st grade teacher and I would have done the same thing! I think preschool is SO SO important but it is completely counterproductive if it makes the child hate school. There ARE bad teachers out there! If you are dedicated to giving her extra attention, she will be FINE in Kindergarten. Promise.
I do have to share one great technique I learned in a workshop this weekend. I SWEAR it works magic!! When you have to give your child (or in my case student) choices you say this: “You may choose get ready for preschool or you may choose for me to help you get ready for preschool”
OH GOSH IT WORKED WONDERS IN MY CLASS (which is at an at-risk school w/ behavior problems)!!! I stayed in control, they did what I needed, they owned what they did (either way) and if they just needed extra attention it took care of that.
Just passing along the magic!
JHS says
Went through some of the same things with my oldest. He wasn’t in the right school. Pulled him out, placed him in another school after explaining my concerns about the first one to the director. He was happy there and we never had any further problems. As a mother, you have to trust your instincts. When I pulled up and saw my kid sitting in the office crying, I knew it was his last day. The teacher was a nightmare — she didn’t care about him or his feelings & I wanted to rip her face off for making him so miserable. At the new school, seeing him playing with the other kids happily, not even noticing that I was driving off, confirmed that I made the right decision.
As for my little one, I actually fired a babysitter because she was determined to make him sleep when she wanted him to. He always feel asleep in the car on the way to her house . . . it was his natural cycle and I wasn’t about to mess with it. Nope. She had to “train” him to sleep when she demanded that he sleep so that he would go down with the other kids and give her time to take a break. Sorry, lady, but you can’t demand that a baby sleep when you want him to. When I called to check on him, heard him crying and she told me he had been doing that since I dropped him off — because she woke him up and was trying to make him stay awake until she wanted him to sleep and the poor kid was exhausted — I left work, drove over there, collected my child and took him home. Found another lady with a big heart and arms ready to rock when he needed to be rocked. To this day, we refer to the babysitter I fired as the “sleep Nazi.”
Bethany says
I would have pulled her out too! How long until she goes to Kinder? She’ll be fine :)
beth aka confusedhomemaker says
If it were a job that an adult felt that horrible about going to we’d all encourage the person to find a new job. Except kids are able to just do that, we as parents have to help them with that. You did the right thing, you listened to your instincts & the best thing about education is that there are LOTS of options out there. She can learn a ton at home with you & then you can look to what is the right fit for her next year.
beth aka confusedhomemaker says
Oh yea & I didn’t even go to Preschool & I’m now a big fat boring Ph.D. I think she’ll do just fine :)
Soxy Deb says
Neither of my boys went to preschool and they turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. Well, except the stupid one (25), but I blame that on the gene pool from the other side. Not mine.
I think you made a good choice, not that my opinion matters. If they’re not really teaching her a hill of beans, and who knows if they are since you never see any work, then it’s a waste of money and lord knows we all need to pick our battles as parents. There will be much bigger battles on the horizon, this one seemed to need to be snuffed out so I think you done good.
Lisa says
My son did the same thing and made himself sick every morning.I had to get off work and take him to the dr on multiple occassions -at least once a week for asthma attacks. But I still made him go to K-5( He loved K-4) So he flunked K-5! Basically, every teacher said he had a learning disability(WRONG)He was a strong willed child who hated the teachers. I should have pulled him out and homeschooled.Hind sight is 20/20.
I enrolled him in private school for 1st -12th grades. He had great teachers and graduated with honors in high school & college and is now in seminary. He is a very responsible & kind person now. Moral of the story is trust your instincts. Try homeschooling and make sure your child has interactions with other kids or try a homeschooling network.
Tesa says
I think I would have done the same. Some kids just aren’t ready for preschool but are fine by the time they reach kindergarten. On top of that it sounds like her school was much to be desired so it’s no wonder she didn’t want to go. I agree that it was a good choice.
Stephanie @ Geezees says
I probably would have done the same thing.
Texan Mama says
I’m so sorry… I know that was probably a really hard decision. I think you are brave to take her out. I must admit, many days I need a break from my kids so badly I’d be happy to send them to play out in the street if it meant I got 5 minutes of peace! (just kidding) so keeping Laina at home may be a little tougher but you’re probably right about it being the best decision. I hope you can find a good preschool for her next year.
One thing I would say, please PLEASE be sure to tell the school (in a kind and constructive manner) why you are removing Laina. That is the only way they can improve their curriculum and get better teachers. You will be helping future children so that they don’t get the kind of preschool experience that Laina got.
Katie (aka Kekibird) says
I’ve pulled Jake from pre-school/daycare situations before and though it pained me to have to find a new one, I did until we found the right fit. For me, a working single mom, I have to send him to a daycare, but finding one that worked with him was the goal. So we went through 2 before finding this one and I’m happy I listened to my instinct. He’s much happier and he’s learning. I hope my son learned that quitting isn’t an option but listening to your gut and finding a situation that fits best is an option. And I agree, let the school know, in a constructive polite way, why she’s leaving.
Sissy says
I’d have pulled her, too. There’s giving in because you are lazy and don’t want to put in the effort and then there’s knowing when something isn’t working and deciding to try something different. Don’t feel bad about it at all!
SweetPeaSurry says
You know … I’m not a mommy. (Unless we’re counting canine kids and I don’t believe we are for the purposes stated in this blogpost.) However, I think you did the right thing. Kids are ready to do things at their own pace. Maybe she won’t go to Kindergarten until she’s SIX … *GASPS @ the HORROR of it all!* But seriously, when her friends are all going to school, and she’s the one left behind, we might have a much different scenerio going on! Besides … who wants to be in a class with a teacher who obviously has a hard time dealing with kids? I surely don’t!!! I think your relationship will grow because of this understanding! In fact, I’d bet on it!
Best and brightest blessings!