After Maile’s rough day of Kindergarten she came home as happy as can be. She decided all on her own that she’d like to stay in her class and saved me from making up a big lie about how the other class is full.
Fast forward to today.
Another fight.
Am I the only one who starts crying when I drop a screaming Kindergartner off at school??
This time it was ridiculous. Maile was pouting because she didn’t get a present on Laina’s birthday. It was easy to stay firm with her when I knew she was upset about something so silly. I brought her to school. I stayed strong. She stopped screaming and went into shutdown mode where she’s whimpering and totally tuned out. My daughter is beyond stubborn.
And still I cried.
I cried because as I was standing at the gate, waiting for her friends to arrive and line up, one little girl got out of her car and with a look of concern and care, walked right up to Maile and started rubbing her back. She locked her arm in Maile’s even when Maile refused to talk and tell her what was wrong. My eyes instantly welled up.
I forgot what a comfort our friends are when we’re having problems at home. I remember having yelling matches with my Mom and feeling SO much better when I could vent to my friends and relate and make fun of our moms together. I guess I didn’t realize that it started so early. And I didn’t realize that while I was busy at school “getting over it”…my Mom may have been at home stewing over the angry words all day long.
I also cried because I relate to her so much. Maile internalizes everything. She loves me more than anyone in the world (if I do say so myself), and even I have a hard time breaking down those walls once they’re up. Making her laugh is the surest way in, but it’s not always easy. I need to give her time and space and eventually she open up and tell me what was bothering her.
As an adult I see how ridiculous I was to shut down like that when people were trying to help me. Her life would be so much easier if she would just talk about what upsets her. It’s hard to watch her head down that same difficult, prideful (fearful?) road. I just want to snap her out of it.
Lisa Anne says
I totally remember those days. It doesn’t get any easier, I think it just gets harder. I just posted about my son today and why he was suspended. I think it’s a joke, yet understand the meaning behind the lesson. Still we have to take 2 days of work for something ridiculous.
Tracy P. says
Aw, that is such a bittersweet post. My little girl is a lot like that. What I’ve discovered is she loves for me to tell her stories (especially when she’s in bed) of when I was little. All kinds of stories. It seems to help her so much knowing that I have walked in her shoes.
Tracy P. says
Although I was not lucky enough to have had Dora shoes to walk in. Such a perfect picture. :-)
Michelle says
That is a hard thing to see as a parent. My son is most like me but we don’t tend to butt heads, it is me and my middle child who do. Gets difficult sometimes but she usually snaps out of her pouting and grumpiness pretty quickly.
Julie@my5monkeys says
Hugs and all my kids when they have been in school , have been in funk about or showing attitude. It doesn’t get any easier and all kids are different when do or don’t tell you whats happening at school. Hugs
Jordan says
I was just like her when I was younger… it must be an oldest child thing. She’ll snap out of it and be back to normal as soon as she gets off the bus. :)
P.S. I love that her shoes are on backwards. :) Precious!
Jennifer says
Being a parent is so much harder than being a kid and it hurts so bad that they can’t see that. Something happens and I ache for her, and I ache for the way my mom must have felt for me, and I ache for myself for not being able to make it better.
We have horrible mornings at our house. We (Baby Girl and I) are so disorganized and it always ends up in a yelling match and I’m frustrated and it is just awful. I keep thinking that we will work it out, but then we don’t. This morning I looked at her after putting her shoes on AT SCHOOL and said, “I love you even when I’m frustrated.” She responded with, “This is the funniest Bugs Bunny.” Which is what was on this morning for the pre-k kids during drop off.
Just try to remember the impact isn’t lasting and be glad that she has a friend that will rub her back and walk arm in arm with her. As moms that’s really all we can hope for.
Rebecca says
I hate being on the mom side and realizing how bad I sometimes probably made my mom feel.
AngieB says
SIGH! Sometimes I think it just makes it harder when the “issue” involves a quality you and your child both share. There are so many times I wished I could just open my head and scoop out the “how to deal with these feelings” knowledge I’ve aquired over the years and dump it into my youngest’s head. Frustrating and exhausting.
Michelle @ Mommy Loves Stilettos says
Poor kiddo :( and poor mom! That is tough. *HUGS*
Ashley says
I thought I was the only one that left my kindergartener screaming at school! My not only shuts down mentally but physically as well. She will litterally fall to the ground. And usually her only excuse is “I was tired” no matter how much sleep she got. I thought growing up was hard, I just never realized how hard it is to watch someone grow up.
Tiffany says
My daughter who is my oldest does the same thing. She
will get mad about something and shut down. She keeps her feelings to herself and no matter how much I ask she will remain quiet about it. I can’t figure out why she won’t let me in. I assume she doesn’t understand her feelings and can’t explain them. I feel like I’m dealing with my husband because he is the same way, as most men are internalizers. I try to make my daughter feel more comfortable with her emotions. My mother was not as receptive with me when I was a kid and I never shared with her, especially since she was too judgemental.
Lisa says
I think it is really remarkable that a 5 year old can show that sort of empathy to a friend. I can remember having several girl friends in kindergarten and in some ways those were the best friendships – it was before friendships managed to become so complicated.
She looks so stoic in that picture!
Rebel Mel says
I didn’t know this started so early, either! Wow. That’s adorable that her friend came right over to console her. And sorry you’ve been so hurt by it, too.
I actually swung by to ask if you’d like to guest post for me sometime. Every Friday, my theme is “Domesticated Friday’s” I’ve been having fun suckering people into writing one of those. I totally think you could post something AWESOME. Basically we share recipes, finished projects, tutorials – anything that shows how domesticated we can be.
I’ve been posting one week, then a guest poster for the next, back to me, and so on. Next week is my week to post my domesticatedness, so if you were interested, I’d have you post on June 4th.
I totally hope you’re into it – I’d love to see what you could come up with!
Julie says
I totally see that with my own daughter. She is so different then the boys. I am working so hard to deal with it quickly and not allow her to sulk because I can see a pattern emerging! Ugh. So glad to hear others are going through the same thing!!
Thanks so much for you sweet comments and for stopping by. :)
Lo says
Such a great post on so many levels. I love the part where her friend rubs her back – you hear so many stories about mean girls it’s nice to hear a nice-girl one! Then the “I see me in her” part…do you see your mom in you now too? All the way down to the crocs on the wrong feet in the photo…it’s a great post!
Shelley says
I didn’t realize that that kind of friendship started so early on either! That’s so sweet! I can’t imagine how it feels to have a daughter be mad at you. I’m sorry!
Rebecca says
I’m so not there yet as a mother, but isn’t it nice to know that she has a caring friend to lean on? Letting go isn’t easy…at all…
Sugar Jones says
My son has been having some tough days lately. My divorce is really hard on him, though he won’t say it. I have to just rub his back and hope he opens up. Yesterday, he did. He vented at a friend of mine. Luckily, she’s a trained parenting coach. We talked about their interaction later. I was in tears thinking of how much his little heart hurts.
Then he saw a dog and started playing catch. All better. Little psycho…
Jenners says
What is it with these kindergartners and their emotions? My little one has been putting me through the wringer lately with all sorts of stuff and I’m just not ready for it.
Jen C. says
Awww…E is only going to the nursery but I’ve seen the same kind of behavior between her and her little friends. It’s really amazing how friendship at their young age can be so comforting for them.
alexis says
i am freaking out about taking my son to school and he’s only 3. it’s just difficult to think that pretty soon, he’ll be facing situations that i won’t be there to mediate, and i won’t really be able to do much about it. other than that, though, i think the time away from home might be good for him–he’s an extremely active kid and during the winter he’s bouncing off the walls by the end of the day. it’s an everyday struggle not to throw him out the window (don’t worry, i haven’t followed through on the urge. yet).
Lourie says
Hang in there mama. It will be okay.
Allison @ Alli 'n Son says
I was the exact same way as a child. Actually, I’m still like that today. I totally shut down when something is bothering. But I do open up eventually. I just need time. And a good laugh.
Hang in there, you are a great momma!
Natalie says
My son is almost three, and he does the same thing. It hurts my heart when he won’t let me ‘in’ (even when it’s over silly things). It is frustrating that we learn the hard way about life – when we are grown ups and look back and see what we could’ve done different to make it easier on ourselves. And to me, it’s amazing to see our traits, both good and bad, in our kids.
I am dreading the day that I have to take him to kindergarten because it will be one of the hardest days of my life to let him go. To me, that’s when he becomes an individual – and like you said, starts making friends. Having a life besides me. The thought kills me :(
Michelle says
Ohhh. What did my grandma say, “This too shall pass!” I am really dreading this when K starts for my youngest. He’s already fighting me about it. Hope you have a super weekend.
kisatrtles says
Friends make the world a better place.
Aging Mommy says
Because you have written about your daughter again I know that her reticence when she is troubled is troubling you. I am the exact same way as you and your daughter, even as a child I would bottle up all the emotions and as an adult my way of dealing with tough times is still to clam up. The only person who has worked through that has been my husband, who will leave me to my silence for a while but then always insists I talk. Over a long period of time I have realized that this is what I must do, just learn to talk about what is bothering me. So persevere with your daughter, because if you can get that message through to her now, somehow, it will make life for her a whole lot easier as she grows older.
Cheryl says
Aww..It is interesting how moms soldier on, no matter how horrible their children might have made them feel that day. Ah, the stuff I said as a child..and my daughter is JUST like me! Ack! The teen years should be fun.
p.s. that picture is so adorable.. but are you sure she’s not upset because her shoes are on the wrong feet?
Sweet Tea says
I hear someone talking about Moms say “we’re only as happy as our least happy child”. True, isn’t it?!
It’s all a part of growing up and finding our way – just wish it didn’t have to begin so early. ((HUGS))
rhonda says
Oh, it is tough, isn’t it? This parenting gig isn’t easy.
Nana says
We all want to protect our kids but, we can’t.
Alexandra says
Adorable picture. She is just so very little and has these HUGE feelings. THe crocs on her feet look like that to me. BIG shoes on those itty bitty feet.
Los says
Friends are the best … I’m lucky I’ve had good friends my entire life.
I think you need to put on some Three Stooges … it’s impossible for kids not to laugh.
Melissa B. says
One of my daughters tries to keep everything inside, ’til she just about busts wide open. She’s learning, though, that it’s OK to confide, and that’s a good thing, correctamundo?
Weekend Cowgirl says
Such a sweet photo. It is hard being a mom. She is obviously very lucky to have you as a mom… growing up is hard and we all just do the best we can do. And then when they are adults they will let you know how much they appreciated all the love you poured into them!
NorthIdahoMom says
Kindergarten is tough for many. My girls did ok because they knew I was teaching 1st grade just down the hall from them. Their daddy was the one who had a really hard time.
I’m now having the hard time as they are older. One is graduating 6th grade and the other is graduating 8th grade this June. It hit me the other day that I won’t have any of my kids in school with me any more! I think it might be the backward kindergarten syndrome…for a teacher mom! I get all teary-eyed thinking of it :-(
How do they keep getting older? And can’t they do that without me getting older? It’s such a drag to feel like life is flying by! Maybe that is where the tears come from?
Julie @ Practically Spent says
Strong willed child then? I have one also. Oy, that kid makes me want to pull my hair out. Like you, I’m her fav. in the whole world & I’m the only one who can do anything for her, but I’m also sorry to say we “go at it” more than I would like. I try my best to let a lot slide…sometimes without a lot of luck. Then I feel bad.