I suck.
Bad.
I really don’t want to be that weird coddly mom who gets down on her knees to have a discussion with her four year old about why she doesn’t want to wear her pants. I don’t want to be that mom who whips up three different meals for three different kids after asking what they’re hungry for three different times. I don’t want to be that mom who offers her two year old a piece of candy if he’ll follow her to the bedroom and lay down for a nap without screaming.
I don’t want to be that mom.
I am totally that mom.
I have done all of those things. I get so tired of yelling and arguing that I sometimes become that mom to keep the peace. And let’s face it, I just want my kids to be happy.
This morning Maile screamed that she didn’t want to go to school.
I had a feeling the reason she was so upset was because she wanted to stay home and color with her friends here, so I stuck to my guns. I forced her to go and she screamed the entire time. On the way there I wondered why my kids throw fits like this about school and I attempted to calm Maile down by reminding her that her entire class would be waiting outside when we pulled up and that everyone would see her crying. You know…plant the seeds of humiliation early.
She didn’t care.
I have no idea why she suddenly had such a negative response to school. I’ve never heard of anyone being mean to her and just an hour earlier she was picking out her lunch.
As I parked the car I gave her the choice (read “empty threat”) that the mom I don’t want to be gives her Kindergartner. I said, “look. If full day Kindergarten is too hard for you than maybe you should go to half day Kindergarten and stay home and take naps everyday like the other little kids. How does that sound? Is that the choice you want to make?”
I’ll be honest, this choice has been given before. I know my daughter. She’s a creature of habit just like her mama. The option of going to a different class with different friends and a different teacher has never appealed to her. Ever.
Until this morning when she thought that option sounded exactly like what she wanted to do.
She agreed to put in one more full day today and think about it and it was decided she could try half day Kindergarten tomorrow.
And I’m freaking out. Because I gave my daughter a choice that I don’t think belonged to her.
I shouldn’t have given her a choice. Why did I have to be that mom?
Maile’s teacher emailed and said Maile seemed “extra withdrawn” today…and that she’s telling her friends today is her last day in class.
And now I have to be that other Mom. The Mom the who “says so”.
When she gets home I have to take the decision away from her and tell her she’s staying in her regular class. Do you have any idea how tempted I am to give her a big hug and take her to Target and offer to buy her anything in the store if she’ll agree to smile and go to school for the rest of the year in her regular class.
Because the thought of her acting “extra withdrawn” while mumbling to her classmates about how today is her last day just breaks my heart.
Truly.