I “like” Oprah on Facebook.
Yesterday she posted a photo of some flowers and stuffed animals she got from Stedman and her five dogs and it sent me into a five minute daydream. I thought about what Oprah was going to do with those stuffed animals and how they didn’t look that expensive for people who have so much money.
I thought about whether Stedman actually thought to do that himself and went to the store to pick everything out, did he turn each stuffed animal over in his hands picking only the softest and cutest or does he have some kind of assistant to head out and do that for him. Do each of the cards say something different? Are they written in the voice of each particular dog?
Finally I thought about how many women don’t actually get anything from their significant others or kids, let alone from their dogs and I wondered if anyone left a mean comment beneath Oprah’s picture laying in to her for bragging to the rest of us.
I clicked to read the 800-some-odd comments and what I realized instead, is that Oprah has the most ignorant representatives of America following her on Facebook. No wonder she’s not a huge fan of the social media circuits.
Below are my favorite comments that people left beneath Oprah’s Valentine photo along with a quick reply. From me. Because I’m like Oprah…only white and poor and less famous.:
“See, Oprah is not gay!”
No. A picture of flowers and cards from her dogs is finally the proof we need to lay that rumor to rest.
“Flowers are lovely any day.. you really don’t need a bunch of flowers though for someone to say they love you.”
This is only something someone who doesn’t get flowers says.
“I think U should have Stedman on U show, & let U audience ask him questions!!”
I think U should have U a English lesson & get U a degree.
“Must be nice~I sure in the hell don’t know in this life time?”
First of all it is. Second of all…huh? You don’t know in this lifetime? No. You certainly don’t.
“love is everyday Oprah,not just today,yesterday or tomorrow.”
Love is not today, yesterday, or tomorrow?? When does it happen exactly?
“Beautiful. Love u Ms. Oprah. I adore you, and I would like to know where I can purchase a yellow blouse like the one you wore when you advertised the coming of the own. That is if the cost is not to expenses. Due to I am a retired female living on a fixed income. Thanking you in advance.”
You can’t afford Oprah’s shirt. It’s too expenses for you.
“oprah has a name but she is still empty”
Deep man. Real deep.
“Oprah I think it’s time for you to retire period. You’re talking about valentines while the rest of the world is suffering, shame on you Miss Billionaire, most powerful woman alive, I think it’s all your money and personal favors, you get the message? I hope you do.”
Nobody has the right to be happy while poor people suffer.Check.
“l like when you put your hair in a ponital l adream l was doing your hairand the nest day l turn the tv on and you have the same hair style on ,lhave never meet but u a wonderful person by your fruit god richly bless you it been seven years and l will stil send message one day will be my day ,happy vallentine day”
Andre is not going to let you touch Oprah’s hair. Your dream did not do Oprah’s hair. More messages about Oprah’s hair are not going to get you any closer to Oprah’s hair. Please move on to the next item in your bucket list.
“Dear Oprah, this will be the worst Valentine’s day of my life, as I lost my Valentine on January 19th. He was the man I wrote to you a few times to ask you to choose him for your most romantic man show before he got sick from the leukemia …he had.”
Dear Debbie Downer,
I’m sorry about your husband. The comments beneath Oprah’s Valentine’s Day update on Facebook is not a great place to use your husband’s death as one last ditch effort to make a connection with her. Good luck with that and sorry about your loss.
Love the people who read and respond to Oprah’s Facebook comments.
The End.
finally Mom says
oprah’s on facebook? ;D
Tima says
OMG! I love it. Thanks for the good laugh.
Nicole @ Moments that Define Life says
This one is my favorite…..
“I think U should have Stedman on U show, & let U audience ask him questions!!”
I think U should have U a English lesson & get U a degree.
Erin says
LOL!
There is NO WAY he picked all that out.
Mama Kat says
Maybe Gayle helped. ;)
Diane says
Hi-Larious! Now I’m gonna have to go “like” Oprah on facebook.
Carolyn (temysmom) says
This is hysterical. I’m going to have to go read her comments when I’m feeling down. I’m sure they’ll make me feel so much better about myself.
Mama Kat says
I walked away from her comments feeling pretty darn good about myself. I think “writing complete sentences” should be added to my resume. Such a rare treat.
Cathy says
Just wait until teens hit the workforce in full. Then we’ll be “old timers” when we don’t LOL, FML, ROFLOL, OIC, etc… Scary.
mom taxi julie says
LOL there are some crazy mo-fos out there!!
laura says
tee hee, too funny!
Making It Work Mom says
I love it. So funny. I am totally going to have to “like” Oprah on facebook now. On second thought do I really need another way to mindlessly waste my time. I already like several Real Housewives and read their comments for laughs.
Yah I do.
Mama Kat says
I didn’t even know the housewives had fan pages!! Oh boy!!!
Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) says
What a clever little post! Perhaps that’s why you are going to be on Ellen…her fans would be able to get your humor. I’d watch, and I don’t even watch daytime TV (she is on in the daytime, right?)
Mama Kat says
Maybe Ellen needs someone who writes like Oprah’s fans. Maybe I need to ‘dumb it up’ a bit!
Laura @ The Things I Said I'd Never Do says
From sports teams, to Oprah to the president, any sort of opportunity for mass commenting on Facebook is just depressing. I like the way you take the moron’s head on!
Los says
Funny stuff – Some people (like the ones who comment on Oprah’s Facebook fan page, for instance) probably are better off not communicating at all.
Mama Kat says
I know! It’s like, “just ssshhh…” I’m surprised some of them can even navigate their way through Facebook.
Jolie says
A poem for your special Valentine
This ones for you, Mama Kat
Valentines day is not far away…
And I have asked Cupid to head Mama Kat’s way
I hope when his arrow pricks you in the heart
It will help you realize it is ME you were meant to be with from the start.
Pat and Ellen have nothing on me.
It’s Mama Kat and Jolie that should always to be.
I may not have my own talk show
But I can clean a house better than anyone you know.
If you don’t consider me, my heart will shatter.
You Mama Kat, are my happily ever after.
And when the kids are being particularly annoying
Off too boarding school they will soon be deploying.
And when your mama comes over to hang
She too will wonder “Kathy, how did you manage without this lady, Dang!”
I love you so much, you make my heart go aflutter
Mama Kat, you are the Jelly to my peanut butter.
I promise to always bring you pretty flowers
Even when you choose to wear pasties to a potluck baby shower
I know the bar for your “standard of humor” is set rather high
But I don’t think there are many that are more funny than I
I promise to never give birth to one of your babies
For my kidlets are always blue eyed blondies.
I think you are cool I think you are rad
Even if Kainoa is now an only child, you can’t be all bad…
Selective Amnesia I think that is hot
You taking Pat out for a fun weekend without me is NOT.
And when we go skating, I will hold you so tight
Even if you try to get away with all of your might….
And when you need silence but the house is filled with screaming
A dose a benadryl to sooth the kids while I have the netflix a streamin’
I agree it is overrated to teach your children to walk
Why not pull an Ursula, so then they can’t talk
And wearing your offspring is all the fashion
Ohhh Mama Kat I love you with a passion
Lastly I promise to never leave you for Kathy Lee Gifford.
Or a big red dog that goes by the named Clifford….
Unless you piss me off.
xoxoxo
-Jolie
Mama Kat says
BRAVO!!! I’m pretty sure you’ve officially cited every blog post I’ve ever written in a SINGLE POEM! Now THAT is talent. I’ll have Pat build on an extra room for you. You know, because he’s super talented with building stuff.
You crack me up!!
JulieK says
Wow… where do you come up with this stuff? I am laughing myself off my chair over here!! :) Those poor people who make comments – what are they THINKING!!
Jennifer says
I don’t know if I should be horrified or sad or just laugh.
camesha says
too funny! people are soo odd. i love how they write their notes to her specifically. i’m sure she reads each and every one of them in her spare time.
Mama Kat says
Haha! I know right? They have no clue. So funny.
Losing Brownies says
Oh man, I think I’d hate social media too if people left that type of garbage on my page.
brianne says
I just love ya! You can take a pic from Oprah’s facebook, and comment on the comments under that picture, and make me laugh until I cry. You have a gift Kat. A gift.
joanne says
omg your post is too funny, i’m sure Oprah’s been wanting to do that herself.
Carri says
Oprah has some cream of the crop fans, doesn’t she? And if you think about it, a bunch of flowers from your dogs is a pretty lame V-Day gift if you have a couple billion laying around. Come on, Stedman. No wonder you’re only #2. You need to step it up. I’m sure Gale gave Oprah something MUCH better.
Mama Kat says
I know…I wouldn’t have even picked those stuffed animals out for my kids. Stedman…what a cheapskate.
Stacey says
People are seriously so stupid! Makes for a good laugh though. Don’t U think?
Mama Kat says
Yes for sure!
Gigi says
Oh dear God – no wonder she doesn’t like social media! I wouldn’t either with comments like that.
Brittany says
Freaking hilarious! Way too funny!
Amanda says
I needed that laugh after sitting through 8 hours of benefits overviews for my new job…..Happy Valentines Day to me indeed!
Jennifer says
I have been laughing to the point of wheezing. And then wheezing to the point of choking while reading this. Thank you. :-)
kisatrtle says
this is so bizzare. I can’t believe people write shit like that on her Facebook. I would delete mine.
Melanie says
Hilarious! I can’t stop laughing. People just say the craziest things, don’t they?
Shannon says
Hilarious! I might just have to like Oprah on Facebook just for the lulz.
Alicia @MommyDelicious says
OMG!!!! YOU are too funny. Freakin’ hilarious! It’s like 1am ish and I am cracking up over here. So loud. One of my favorites:
“I think U should have Stedman on U show, & let U audience ask him questions!!”
I think U should have U a English lesson & get U a degree.
hi-la-ri-ous!!!!!
The “hair” comment, the “Debbie Downer” comment… why are you so funny?????
Alicia @MommyDelicious says
PS: Thanks for making my night!
Erin says
All I have to say is WOW!! I’s gonna write me a comment on hers facebook too!
Katy at Dim Sum Debutante says
I truly laughed out loud SEVERAL times reading this and promptly passed it along to friends. Thank you for providing the best five minutes of my Valentine’s Day. :)
Paulina J! says
This was hilarious!!!! I couldn’t believe the comments and the atrocious grammar, but your responses are genius!
Dafeenah says
Hi. I just found your site and wanted to ask a question about the writer’s workshop. I tried to ask in the comments section there but the form to comment wouldn’t appear so maybe it is just me. Anyways, is there any type of word limit or any other rules? I read the instructions page but couldn’t find anything. Also is this only for serious writers who want to be published or have something in the works to be published? Can anyone join in? Even if you’re not good at writing but just love to write?? I am new to all of this. Sorry if this has been posted somewhere. I looked but didn’t see anything.
Thanks!!
Loukia says
LOVED this! Hahaha!
Louisa says
Thanks for the laugh! Wow. People can be so odd.
Jennifer says
Ahhh, Kat.. you would think I’ve learned by now not to be eating or drinking anything when I read your blogs. My potato-smeared computer screen says apparently I have not. These are fabulous. U blog always make me laff.