I was worried, “She’s not happy enough, she seems sad and anxious too often, I don’t know how to help.“
A smart lady stopped me, “In this country, we peddle happiness like it’s a tangible good.
Buy this car, take this vacation, everything will be amazing if you do x,y, and z.
Happiness is a feeling, it’s not something you can go out and buy.
We need to relieve ourselves from the pressure of needing to be happy all the time.
Keep showing her you are here for her, she sees it.”
And so I try.
Kathy says
It’s so true, all too often we confuse having things and always being “up” with being happy. Happiness comes from a much deeper place than that.
Andrea says
That’s good advice. Some of us are not programmed to feel happy more than sad or anxious. It’s hard, but it’s okay. We are all just comfortable with different things. Being there for someone who’s sad more than happy is the best thing we can do. xo
Kimberly says
So much I want to say here.
I love you and for the wonderful mom you are.
I know that you are doing and trying everything you can — don’t give up and don’t beat yourself up — from her side of the fence, we know that the people who are trying to get us to be well again, are fighting just as hard, if not harder. We may not say it or express it, but believe me, we thank you so incredibly much for it.
When you say —>>>> Keep showing her you are here for her, she sees it.” YESSSSS.
I wish she didn’t hurt. Children shouldn’t have to hurt like this. It isn’t fair.
I’m glad that she has you as a mom though. You’re doing good Kat. She’s a fighter. I promise you that this will pass in time. xoxox
Elaine A. says
That photo just stole my heart.
And those words are so true…
Jenn says
Words were never truer….and I agree with Andrea, some of it is in the hard-wiring, and we have to let them know we are there for them, and to focus on the good.
I see this in my boy – he is a worrier and leans to the negative so much lately. I try not to step in and fix it, but instead tell him he can talk to me, tell me anything.
And I think it is taking root.
The day I can’t blog about: when he came to me, clearly troubled, and asked if he could talk to me privately.
I was bracing myself, given the anxiety on his face; turns out, he couldn’t poop, and was worried that it was a permanent thing. “How long until I feel better – weeks?”
Being there also means not laughing .
Hugs, mama.
Emily says
I worry about this with my son too. He suffers from OCD and Tourette’s Syndrome and he occasionally tells me he has a bad life and he is not happy. He is seeing a therapist. That, praying and love are all I could do for him.
Jerralea says
Oh, this touches my heart so. I think that lady gave you solid advice. We can’t all be happy all the time. But if we can learn to be honest, true and ourselves, it can be enough.
It’s also freeing to know that we are not in charge of other people’s happiness. I had to learn that when my husband was going through depression. I imagine it would be the same thing with our children. (Although tougher …) xo
Allyson says
My mom used to worry about me like this…I was a serious thinker, I worried over things as a child, I loved Eeyore the most because (as I told her) I understood how he felt. I turned out ok, and now my kid is very much like that as well…he has moments of hysterical happiness but he’s overall pretty serious. When he was a baby, he wouldn’t smile at just anyone…he made people work for those gummy grins! It’s hard to let go of preconceived notions and let kids be who they’re going to be…but from what I’ve read and seen on social media of you and your family, you seem to be doing a pretty good job! :)