4. Write a blog post that ends with the word: time.
It happened again. I don’t know how I ended back up in this place with my son, but here we are butting heads over electronics again.
Last June I thought I was onto something with the summer schedule we developed that limited his time on his Xbox, but halfway through the summer the schedule stopped being as effective as I thought it would be. I would forget to set the timer or he would ask for a chore to earn playing time back, I would allow him to tack on more playing time if the “break” time was extra long due to an activity we had planned that day. So the lines of the schedule were blurred and before I knew it there was no schedule at all.
The problem with NOT having a schedule and just allowing him to play video games whenever he wants is that he gets pretty rude, he forgets to eat, he eats junk, he is not active, and he complains nearly any time he has to turn it off even for short periods of time.
During the school year, it’s a lot easier to keep him in check because he’s at school all day and can’t play. He also knows he has to complete his homework when he gets home before he plays and he has to play a sport or some other after school activity when the season for that activity comes around.
Fast forward to this summer. I dropped the ball. I bought passes to a gym for all of us and instead of introducing a “schedule” for video game playtime, my one requirement was that he works out with the family everyday. He complained every time we went to the gym and then he sulked about and didn’t work out. The girls started playing volleyball at their school and I stopped forcing him to workout. He wasn’t working out anyway.
This whole thing has snowballed into a nightmare for me. I have a son who is rude when things are not going his way or when his time with electronics is cut short and my inability to set up a system to monitor screen time and stay consistent with it is fully to blame. Anyone reading this will say that it sounds like it’s time to get rid of the video games.
Sadly, I think I’m pretty dependent on them too. I love that he has something he loves to do. It keeps him busy and in my mind it’s better than the long days I spent watching MTV in middle school because he’s actually using his brain. And I’ll be honest, I don’t like listening to him complain about being bored when he’s not on his Xbox. So fine…go play your video games, stop complaining and I’ll ignore the fact that allowing you to play video games as much as you do is a major mom fail.
Things came to a head tonight when I told him it was time to go to his middle school bbq. This is the bbq they have every year to hand out class schedules, register for clubs, pick up chromebooks and learn your locker combinations. Naturally, my son did not want to go despite the fact that he had been well-prepped for this evening activity. Like a toddler who receives notice that we’re leaving playland in 10 more minutes to prevent a tantrum, I also provide notice for my 12 YEAR OLD.
“Don’t forget we have that bbq tonight! Two more hours…”
“Ugh…I’m not going! I don’t need to go!!”
“Yes, they’re giving schedules tonight and we’ll walk to all of your classrooms so that you know where to go on the first day.”
“I’ll just get the schedule on the first day!!”
One thing led to another and I basically told him I’m done arguing with him. I said that I’m not taking him to school with his bad attitude when the whole reason we were going was to help him on the first day of school. Fine by me if he wants to show up and not know what to do. I marched over, yanked his Xbox out of the wall and now here I am…wondering what to do next.
I need a better system. My friend suggested an Earnings system where he can earn minutes for completing tasks like doing his homework, unloading the dishes, playing outside, reading a book…even taking a shower and removing the Xbox for 24 hours when he’s disrespectful. I suppose it’s a good start. I’m embarrassed that we’re even at this point when he’s old enough to be better and I most certainly should have squashed the issue long ago.
Hoping it will work this time!
Patty says
Having dealt with similar issues when my children were at this, very tender, age, it’s certainly not easy, Kat.
The whole “electronics” thing wasn’t part of their pre-teen/teen years, at least not on the scale it is today, but, there were distractions and, holy cow, piss poor, rotten, combative attitudes at every turn.
I think the middle school years are the absolute worst. Kids are feeling their “seniority” in passing through their elementary years and sitting on the fence of the high school years that follow. They know everything, we, as parents, well, we are mere outsiders looking in at glaring, complaining, young beings who regard us as intruders, at times.
Our youngest grandson is a Pokemon junkie. When they were visiting here and we all went into Manhattan for a play and other fun, he was hell-bent on walking through Central Park, at a Broadway play and all over the city, head down, looking for those damn little creatures on his phone. Any attempt to put down acceptable game-play parameters were met with absolute disgust.
Your friend’s Earning System suggestion is a good start. Give your son a starting amount of video game-playing time. With every task completed, give him some bonus time; tasks not completed…he loses time.
It’s a start. It does get better, around the end of 10th grade. Hold on, sister, it’s gonna be one helluva bumpy ride getting there!
John Holton says
It’s always something, ain’t it? For him it’s video games, for you it was MTV, for me it was constant music… The earning system sounds like the best idea. I don’t know the Playstation (or any other game system, sorry), but I would think there’s some way to set a password on it. Then you could tell him there are certain things he has to do to get the password, after which you change the password again.
What does Pat have to say about all this?
John Holton says
By the way, the overhead pictture of him and Isis is just too cute…